Privacy and Sexual Shame: What Dating Site Hacks Have Taught Us

Hacks and cyber crime seem to be par for the course these days. In recent years, two major attacks on big dating sites impacted hundreds of millions of people: the AshleyMadison.com hack in 2015, and the AdultFriendFinder.com hack in 2016. Both attacks had dire consequences for the people exposed, with a wave of divorces and even some users' lives being put at risk (in the case of Ashley Madison). They also started a serious discussion of the security of such sites. But the case of dating site hacks is not just a lesson about cyber-security - it can also provide interesting insight on sexual shame within our society. Watching the fallout of these attacks inspired Dr. Valeria and I to make an episode specifically about this issue. In Episode 37 of the Get Sex Smart podcast, we [...]

By | 2018-12-06T10:50:13+00:00 December 6th, 2018|Podcast|0 Comments

When to Start Having Sex in a New Relationship

Often when we enter a new romantic relationship, we start getting anxious about the many decisions we must make. One of the biggest decisions revolves around sex - when is the right time to start having sex with a new partner? Both offline and online we can find countless "golden rules" that try to give a universal answer to this question. If you are based in the US, you've probably heard of the 3 date (or 5 date) rule. Such arbitrary rules can only make this process more confusing than it needs to be. Additionally, they can create pressure on us to conform to them while ignoring our gut feelings, desires, and boundaries. For instance, someone who wants to have sex on the first date may wait out of fear of being deemed "easy", while someone [...]

By | 2018-11-27T22:26:27+00:00 November 28th, 2018|Podcast|0 Comments

Is Porn Bad for Your Sex Life?

Porn. As long as there have been people, we’ve been looking for ways to capture arousal and store it for future use.   Think about it - there are surviving neolithic cave paintings of sex. The preserved ruins of Pompeii are full of erotic art. When photography was first invented, it didn’t take long before we were photographing sex.   All that said, one wonders what our early human ancestors would have made of countless, constantly available, and endlessly novel high definition video of most any sexual act one can imagine. Ours is an era of abundance in arousal stockpiling.   We experience a total embarrassment of riches when it comes to capturing human sexual expression on film.   Given that we’re quite a long way from using primordial sex sketches on cave walls to pass [...]

By | 2018-11-26T18:25:05+00:00 November 27th, 2018|Blog|0 Comments

“Gaslighting” in Intimate Relationships

  The phenomenon of gaslighting got its name from the classical play "Gaslight" (and the film adaptations which followed it), in which a young wife is slowly driven to doubt her sanity by her husband and his clever manipulation. Today, the term "gaslighting" refers to a form of abuse and manipulation which can rear its head in any relationship (romantic or not). Like in the original story, gaslighting takes place when one partner intentionally makes the other person in the relationship feel like they are losing their mind, their self-respect, and their sense of self. Gaslighting is a very dangerous form of psychological abuse. It can be extremely subtle and may by its very nature cause the victim to distrust their judgement. Combined with the fact that abusers often appear charming to people outside the relationship, [...]

By | 2018-11-20T23:12:08+00:00 November 21st, 2018|Podcast|0 Comments

Are men from Mars and women from Venus?

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.   This was a popular book when I was young, and became a bit of a catch phrase. You started to hear people saying this quite a lot in the 90s - Mars, Venus… it seemed to make sense to people.   What resonated in that idea for so many people, do you think? Was it this sense that men and women are really so different from each other? Is this why communication within relationships seems so hard?   Sometimes, it can almost feel like you are speaking a different language to your partner... Though to counterbalance that, I am a person that, more than once, has spoken a literal different language than my partner.   Any other travelers in the house?   And what I’ve observed [...]

By | 2018-11-20T23:11:56+00:00 November 19th, 2018|Blog|0 Comments

Bisexuality: Truth, Myths, and Challenges

People identified as bi+(an umbrella term which includes many non-monosexual sexual orientations, such as bisexual and pansexual) outnumber gays and lesbians. Yet their struggles can often go unmentioned and overlooked or narrowed down to experiencing homophobia. Many view bisexuality as a "lighter shade" of homosexuality or a stepping-stone towards it instead of a separate and equally valid identity. What is more, even with improving representation in the media and a rise in informative resources about bisexuality, there is still a lot of stigma as well as numerous negative stereotypes attached to this identity. Since most of us are likely to either know a bisexual person or identify as bisexual ourselves, Dr. Valeria and I decided to dedicate an entire podcast episode to the topic of bisexuality and the myths and challenges that come with it. In [...]

By | 2018-11-12T20:28:04+00:00 November 12th, 2018|Podcast|0 Comments

How Can You Be More Confident With Women?

Ahhhh confidence… this nebulous abstraction, this vague je ne sais quoi that some people seem to have and you wonder where you can get some.   Have you caught yourself doing that? Wondering - if only I were more confident with women, I’d feel so much better. I’d be happier and more at ease. Or maybe - if only I were more confident generally, with people.   It does seem tempting to focus on confidence, doesn’t it, given that the people that we know in our lives that experience genuine happiness all seem to have it.   The thing is, I think how can I be more confident isn’t really the question that you are asking, that any of us are asking, when we ask this.   I think the real question is: how can I [...]

By | 2018-11-05T20:05:03+00:00 November 5th, 2018|Blog|0 Comments

Four Ways of Ending Your Relationship (and How Not to Get Hurt in the Process)

  Break-ups - they're an integral part of dating and relationships and unfortunately impossible to avoid. Dating is always a bit of a challenge - especially nowadays with so much of it happening online or over text. Like most of us, you probably have some break-up stories to tell. You may have been in relationships that ended abruptly and painfully, or alternatively ones that never seemed to really have a definitive end. Maybe your partner or date started freezing you out. Or maybe they seem to have fallen off the face of the Earth altogether. Regardless of your background and personal experiences, you probably know that break-ups can suck. Whenever feelings (and the potential for hurting them) are involved, things can get a bit messy. And dealing with break-ups gracefully (no matter which side you're on) [...]

By | 2018-10-30T14:31:36+00:00 October 31st, 2018|Podcast|0 Comments

How Do I Know If I’m Being Creepy?

  You’ve heard it before, I am sure. Maybe from friends, from peers, on TV, in movies.   A group of people, standing around and discussing how creepy someone was.   Maybe it was a person in a shop, or on a bus, or a friend’s bad Tinder date experience. They had to deal with a creepy person and they wound up feeling bad because of this nebulous thing called “creepiness.”   Given this, well, no one wants to come across as creepy, do they? The idea that someday, somewhere, a person that you were interested in, or went on a date with, might similarly be standing around and talking to friends about how creepy you were (or perhaps already has) is really uncomfortable.   I come with good news for you. Avoiding being perceived as [...]

By | 2018-10-30T11:47:52+00:00 October 30th, 2018|Blog|0 Comments

Getting Tested in Warsaw

If you value your health - sexual and otherwise - regular STD (or, more accurately, STI) testing is crucial. While its frequency may vary from person to person, depending on factors such as our lifestyle, preferences and risk-aversion, all sexually active folks should make room in their calendar for this check-up. However, even if one is eager to get tested regularly, they may find this area confusing and tricky to navigate. First of all, It isn't always immediately clear how to get tested efficiently or what the most budget-friendly options are. On top of that, in some areas even the healthcare providers offer little help. After all, many of us are asymptomatic and want to get tested simply to have peace of mind. And anyway, what should we even get tested for if all we want is [...]

By | 2018-10-27T15:03:09+00:00 October 27th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments
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