You’ve heard it before, I am sure. Maybe from friends, from peers, on TV, in movies.
A group of people, standing around and discussing how creepy someone was.
Maybe it was a person in a shop, or on a bus, or a friend’s bad Tinder date experience. They had to deal with a creepy person and they wound up feeling bad because of this nebulous thing called “creepiness.”
Given this, well, no one wants to come across as creepy, do they? The idea that someday, somewhere, a person that you were interested in, or went on a date with, might similarly be standing around and talking to friends about how creepy you were (or perhaps already has) is really uncomfortable.
I come with good news for you. Avoiding being perceived as creepy is actually pretty simple. It’s not easy like Sunday morning: avoiding creepiness will require working on some communication skills. That said, once you know what underpins 99.9% of those things we deem creepy, you’ll know what to work to improve in your own unique life.
I address this topic in a longer-than-usual YouTube video, check it out:
It all boils down to this –
The creepy factor comes in when you’re having a “one-sided conversation”.
It’s a precursor to full-blown scary because one-sided conversations, while not always ill-intentioned, share the common characteristic that one is not listening to the person that they are with. In the example of touch communication, this may be the result of someone not knowing how touch communication works. Or, it could be because they don’t have very much body awareness, as in the case of body language related creepiness.
Why can this be perceived as creepy to the recipient in these interactions? Well, because they can sense that they are not being fully seen and acknowledged as an individual. Imagine suddenly finding yourself in a situation where someone loses sight of you as a person. Of course, it might be harmless. But it can also turn dangerous – a possibility that many of us are hyper-aware of.
The result is this hard-to-grasp sense of “creepiness” – a warning to ourselves that we need to be more alert and, ideally, get away from whatever is provoking our creepy feeling.
Guys – this is immensely good news because it means that you are not stuck in a hopeless situation. You’re not doomed to always wonder whether someone will think you are creepy or not.
Improving on this is fully within your grasp. The first and most important step to ensure yourself against creepiness is to work on your listening skills.
ACTION FOR THE WEEK: Use the tips in my video and spend this week paying attention to others’ body language. When socializing, try to study others’ body language (just remember not to stare!). How are they responding to you?
Perhaps you are naturally inclined to be physically affectionate or have no problem frequently messaging people. What boundaries do you think or know other people around you have? How are they similar or different from yours? It’s hard but putting yourself in others’ shoes and focusing on your listening skills is the best way to ensure you never come across as creepy!
So, with all that said, I’d like us to move on a bit further, past the issue of creepiness. I think you deserve to hold the bar higher for yourself than, simply, “Don’t be creepy”.
Frankly, that’s not much of a goal – I believe you can aim higher.
Making sure that your potential partners feel safe and comfortable around you is the first step, but it definitely shouldn’t be the last. Instead, once you have mastered the art of being a good listener and paying attention to body language, consider working towards having wonderful, connected, mind-bendingly pleasurable relationships and sex with others. Becoming an amazing and present lover sounds like a pretty good goal to me – what do you think?
If you’d like to learn more about what defines a good lover and how men can signal that they’re good in bed, be sure to check out Episode 23 of the Get Sex Smart podcast, in which Dr Valeria Chuba and I take a look at 8 Signs that a Man May Be Good in Bed. It may surprise you, how to most effectively signal that you have skill as a lover to others.
But part of being a good lover is also being a responsible lover and paying attention to your your sexual health by regularly getting tested for STIs.
Do you, or someone you know, live in Warsaw, Poland? Have you been planning a visit or to come as an Erasmus student?
I lived and worked in Warsaw, Poland, for nearly 3 years. One thing I put together during my time there was a guide (available in both Polish and English) on how to get tested for STIs in the Polish capital in the most time- and cost-efficient way possible. Please check it out, and share it with anyone you know that may benefit from this information! Let’s be frank – Poland can be a pretty sex negative place, where accessing services and information related to reproductive and sexual health is not always easy – even in big cities like Warsaw.
My PDF guides are available for free and you don’t need to give me your email address or any other personal information in exchange for them. My goal is simply to make this information easily available to anyone who might benefit from it.
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